David Mendelmar, LCSW
Certified Level 3 IFS Therapist

I specialize in the treatment of attachment wounding, relational trauma, and what has been termed "chronic shame." Relational trauma involves often subtle, long-term emotional neglect, invalidation, criticism, or shaming by caregivers. You may have thoughts such as “nothing really happened to me” or “other people had it so much worse,” because on the surface your basic survival needs were met. Yet deep-down, some part of you knows that a basic emotional need-- for presence and attunement--was never met, or was lost.  The trust, connection, and authenticity you so long for remain out of reach.  You may have parts that feel intense shame about being vulnerable and seen by others. You may have highly developed tactics of performing, pretending, and isolating that keep you from living your fullest life. I consider such distress to be equally deserving of treatment as any other trauma. I bring a highly relational and sensitive approach to heal the deep wounds of relational trauma..

I have specialized training in the treatment of eating disorders, including binge eating, anorexia, bulimia, body image struggles, and chronic dieting or restriction. Perhaps you find yourself stuck in cycles of emotional eating or binging and restricting food, dieting, overexercising, purging, and body image obsession– wanting so much to be “normal” around food yet feeling so powerless over extremes of overindulgence and self-deprivation. I bring  interpersonal compassion and curiosity alongside research-supported therapeutic practices to help you find safety, balance, and positive relationships with food and your body.

My approach to substance use issues is based in compassion. Rather than pathologizing addictive patterns, I help clients slow down their harmful cycles, get curious, and explore the underlying meaning behind their behaviors.  I have learned that substance use and compulsions are actually strategies "parts" of us have developed to protect ourselves in times of physical or emotional danger. From this perspective, I help clients heal underlying wounding and vulnerability. Together, we access your power to make different choices and attain the balance and safety you have been seeking.

I bring special experience helping clients integrate IFS therapy into 12-Step based recovery programs. At the same time, I hold no bias towards any particular path of recovery. I believe that recovery is a highly individualized process, and I support clients cultivate personal understanding of sobriety and abstinence.

I identify as a gay man and I feel passionate about bringing quality mental health care to the LGBTQI+ community. I know what it's like to need the safety of a therapist who "gets" being queer, without having to fear stigma in the therapy space. I hold deep respect for the diverse ways gender and sexuality express themselve across our community and throughout our lifetimes. I work with adolescents and adults struggling to come to terms with their identities and heal from the traumas of living in a heteronormative culture and society. I understand from both my personal and professional experience that  coming out and healing from  oppression of is a lifelong process.  I offer a compassionate and validating approach wherever you are in your personal journey of gender and sexuality.